Mom's Tree House

Archive for the ‘Womanhood’ Category

Now, this is a subject that came to me when I was working with some young women a couple of years ago regarding safe sex. these young ladies were admitting that they had more than once sexual partner because simply they felt unsatisfied in the bedroom. They stated that they loved their partners but that some things were lacking or not “just there”. My advice, is to TALK. And maybe you can talk your way to better sex.

Nothing speaks louder about love than two people being able to communicate with each other. If you want better sex, communicate better! It sounds easy enough, right? Well, that’s because it is. Better communication equals better sex!

As we all know, the brain is the key component of all our feelings, senses and drives. Ultimately, it is a powerful sex organ. when you communicate with someone, information is being sent, processed and registered. Yet, it is up to the individual to process that information and retain it as to then make the necessary changes needed to rectify the situation and come to an understanding. So, being the brain is where all emotions, feelings and senses reside, and there is now better communication, it will then lead to  more  fulfilling sexual intimacy and more of a emotional understanding.

So, What do I mean by communicate?

I mean talk about and share feelings, ideas and thoughts. Discussing dreams, fantasies and desires. Express how you feel and what you wish for and want. Tell each other what you like and don’t like. Tell each other how the other makes them feel and how you love and trust them. The more a couple feels connected the better the sex will be.

Whether you think communication will improve your sex life or not, is up to you but , why not try it.  It costs nothing, but a little bit of time with each other. The possible rewards might just be pretty great!

To read more of my articles on sex and Relationships, you can visit my weekly column at Parent Palace.

Every time I go through magazines or converse with friends, we always come to the conclusion that society still perceives women as being submissive. I guess becuase sex involves men inserting themselves into women, maybe becuase men are on top and over women, while they insert their penis and women lay down to take “it in”. Is this considered the natural act of dominance? Does this mean women are submissive?

Let’s face it, some men believe that women are submissive due to their own imagination that women are the second, weaker sex.  I should also state here, that with this belief, comes the mistreatment of women reaffirming the myth that women are their object to own. Men are constantly devising new strategies to keep women in their place. Yet, I tend to believe that this may no longer be the case, unless you live in a third world country. Women are not submissive, unless they want to be, as I find that more women are controlling their relationship by pretending to be submissive.  

Like Neyo says he wants miss independent, someone who walks like a boss and talks like a boss, car and her crib paid for and all of that and most of my guy friends will agree with this sentiment. Yet, these same friends also say that they have problems with their wives/girlfriends because they are too stubborn, they do not listen, because they are simply not submissive enough. Are you confused? Yeah, so am I.

Truth be told, most women today are in the business world than ever before. In fact, the US Labour union shows that 49.83% of all US jobs are held by women and that 51% of all workers in high paying professional and management jobs are women! For me, that screams “Miss Independent”. I then started thinking, could women really  be independent and submissive at the same time? Are women really being independent in one situation and submissive in another in order to be the perfect woman? The truth is, I don’t know the answers to these questions but when I went out to dinner with four of my girlfriends I was curious to see what they thought.

 My girlfriend Maria, an accountant, who has recently gone through a divorce stated that if maybe she acted a little more dumb she might still have been married. Stacy, a Social Worker, also added that women do want some control over their own lives but, when it came down to the bedroom, women had to allow the boyfriends/husbands to take control. Meaning  we had to be a little more submissive as to boost their egos. 

 It appeared to me then that the world is sending us conflicting messages. It seems that women are expected to be business moguls, tearing down the barriers of the business world but at home, we have to turn in our briefcases for aprons and become humble and stupid. My other girlfriend Lisa, then interrupted my thought by simply saying that we have to be submissive in the bedroom because in the bedroom is where men had to feel powerful, and honestly, what woman does not want their man to ravish their body in total sexual submission? Good point!

 Can the power in a submissive/dominant relationship actually tilt in favour of the submissive? And we, as women compromising our  intelligence, our power in pretending to be submissive?  Or are we using our power in pretending to be submissive?

This article seems to have raised more questions than answers, and if I’m going to be honest with you, then I have to state here, that I really do believe that  women are down playing their independence and acting submissive to keep the balance of a relationship neutral and balanced. Or really, so no toes are stepped on and egos don’t get broken. To further instill the concept of a woman, “leading from behind”  or the belief that ”behind every great man, there is a great woman”. The real question, is whether she is screwing him from behind.

What do you think?

We always hear how men and women should always be treated as equals. After all, women have come a long way from the time the were not allowed to vote, own land, obtain education or even gain a professional position.  In fact, it was unacceptable for woman to even think of herself of accomplishing any of these things.   So, looking back, we would think that women are treated the same as men but, we all know that is not true, especially when it comes down to “sexuality”.

Women have been victims of the “Double Standard” since the beginning of time. It was not until the 1960′s, that women really started questioning their roles of wives and mothers.  They also started questioning their sexuality,  their purpose of only being subservient to their husbands pleasures, desires and wishes?  Since then, women have now metamorphosed into liberated, outspoken sexual beings. Yet, society continues to punish women for doing so.

The  ”Double Standard” can basically be defined as  prohibiting premarital sexual intercourse for women but allowing it for men. With this said, men are still being held in high standards for pursuing and obtaining multiple partners. This behavior is considered to be acceptable and even applauded, he is known to his peers as a “player” or a “Stud”. If women however, engaged in such promiscuous behavior to fulfill their own desires, they are often considered degenerates and are often ridiculed with name calling and humiliation.  A woman with multiple partners, will then be called a “Slut”. This in turn creates the “Double-Standard” imposed by men as to keep women living their lives with frustrating and oppressive restrictions. Well, this standard is now shifting, and it’s about time.  

The “Hookup” culture today still assumes a system rewarding men, culturally presented as the man going out on his hunt for his prey.  Men are  percieved as taking something from a woman, something they do to her, something they win and she loses but these days, women are claiming their sexuality. Women are now going out for the  hunt, they are getting what they want and she will also win. 

Women today are out dating and having more casual sex. Women are simply going out to ”hook up”. Yet, these women are doing so because the men available may not be a person they desire to have a relationship with but, rather a distraction until they feel they have found the right partner.  Do these women want to find a man to be intimate with and have a relationship? “Yes, absolutely” but women are now giving up sexist ideologies and pursuing sexual freedom, giving up the notion that in order to be be happy they have to be in a committed relationship.  More women are now having sex for their own benefit, their own pleasures and desires, because they are no longer seeking out validation  from their male counterparts. 

Women like sex, just as men do. Not every woman expects or want to be cuddled or held after doing  “the deed”. Some women may just want to simply have sex and then go about her life. Yet, at this day in age, I find it appalling for a woman to live a sexually-liberated lifestyle, only then to be labeled “A SLUT”.  So, if this is the label that women have to bare as so to live a happy, robust, sexual life, so be it. “Women, then claim that name, wear it and wear it proud!”  We have nothing to be ashamed of.  

Now, don’t get me wrong. I am not advocating casual sex for every woman. What I am saying is, that if you want to live a happy, active sexual life, then you should.  A woman should have the right to pursue her own sexual happiness and not live to fit the opinions of society’s male-imposed beliefs and their “Double-Standards”.

What I’m saying is, that as women, we should challenge  every sexist notion thrown at us. I refuse to believe that in order to be happy, you need to be in a relationship to have sex. Where as, I tend to believe, that you need to explore your options and keep them open, until you know you have found that special someone. Women should enjoy their lives, their friends, their careers and their sexual escapades, without being negatively labelled.  If this means that having more casual sex is needed to break down  male beliefs and stereotypes, then so be it, ladies then take the name calling with a grain a salt, and continue to enjoy your orgasms. It’s well worth it!

Why is it that when you are in a bad mood, people go around asking, “whats’ wrong?” or “is everything okay?” I mean, if you are in a bad mood, doesn’t that tell you that “something” is wrong or that  ”No, everything is not okay?” Why can I just be in a bad mood.. just to be in a bad mood? Maybe I just want to be cranky and bitchy, or maybe I just woke up not wanting to put up with shit.

Let’s see, got up  at 6am, I rush take a shower and wake up the baby. I then feed and change him and go straight to day care. I rush again, try to beat traffic on the I-495 only to inch my way to work. While I’m inching my way to work, my job cell phone rings, one of my staff called out last minute.  Okay, phone rings again, my boss looking for paperwork I sumbitted 5 days ago.  10am, walk into my office and rush to grab a cup of coffee, only to find there is no coffee. Why couldn’t the last person that made coffee, get some more coffee!!  11:30am, going over some reports, answering phones, when I then pull out my pen from my bag only to find a liquidity, jelly-like substance on my hand and oh, on my shirt. The pen exploded. WTF!  Whatever! I then go for a  break, I leave with my left-eye twitching from most likely, coffee withdrawals. I drive up  to 7-11 to grab some coffee and a sandwich. “15 minutes miss, coffee coming fresh” My first thought, “give me a shot of whiskey instead please.” After I finally grab coffee, Lou calls asking how my day was,  when  he really wanted to know if I was making something for dinner. Since I am a good dutiful wife, I always have last minute dinners for those days that seem hectic.  Tonight, ham and cheese sandwiches, potato chips and some kool-aid. 

Back to work, my boss calling again for some paperwork which again, I submitted a week ago. “Please fax them again” he says. “Sure”, I respond. Fax machine “Out of Order”. Okay, thats’ it!! Now, I’m back in my car, driving to give him another copy of my report which again, I already submitted. I get there, and he says, “oh, thanks, but I found them.” WTH!! You think you could have called!!!  ”Is everything okay,?’ he asks, as I appeared a little agitated. I  leave, I’m back in my car,  back into traffic.

My phone rings, daycare is calling. Tired and hungry, as I still did not eat the chicken sandwich snuggled in my bag, I am now rushing through the Southern State to pick up Franco from daycare as he is not feeling well. I pick him up, he is crying. I put him in his car seat and I call Lou and his doctor. Finally, I see Lou waiting for me as I pull up to his pediatrician’s office. He takes the baby out the car, he is still crying, and hands him over to me so he can get his diaper bag. I hear gurgling sounds and feel some hot  liquid on my breast. Okay, where is the liquor store!!!! I now have vomit in between my breast and I smell like a rotting mouse. I go into the my pediatricians office when I see eyes of disgust all on me, “yeah right, like they never had vomit on them before!”. I try to clean myself up the best that I can, and wait in the waiting area. “What’s wrong?” Lou whispers. I just took a deep breath and blankly stared at him.  6:30pm, Franco is fine,  just a stomach bug. Give him liquids, liquids and oh, more liquids.

Finally, home and I see the mess, boxes and crap every where. We are moving next week.  I shower and pop a bottle of apple juice to Franco’s mouth. Then sandwiches and potato chips for Lou. I now begin to pack boxes.  Lou  helps but, he takes a lot of breaks in between. 9pm, exhausted I finish the last of the boxes only to find, that I need more boxes. I go into the bedroom to see if Lou is finished but, find him and Franco  asleep.

So, now I sit here writing this post, wondering why people question our mood,  our ”bitchiness”.  As if they didn’t know! Most likely we are bitchy because we are tired, sleep deprived and overwhelmed. We get up, and as women, mothers, wives, run around all day to make sure everything and everyone is taken care of.  Are we not allowed to have a “bitch-fest” here and there? Are we not allowed to roll our eyes, grunt, yell, scream or take a stiff drink when the situation calls for it?

Well, I embrace my “bitchy” side.  So, on those days that I  don’t  feel like doing shit, well that is my “Bitch” holiday, because I’m entitled to be a “Bitch” when I want to!