Mom's Tree House

Archive for the ‘Parenthood’ Category

So, I am shopping at Target and I have Franco in the shopping cart, strapped and ready to go. Less than a minute, he manages to pull himself out of the strap and takes one leg unto the back of the cart, while the strap is then buckled under his nose. WHAT THE HELL IS HE DOING? Place him back nicely on the seat, strapping him in. He then begins to cry, pulling at the strap, goes underneath it, pulls himself out and stand on the cart-seat . Fine! Take him out and put him on the floor as so he then can hold my hand and walk.  HE RUNS!  right across the store, throws himself under a clothing rack and a sales girl and starts laughing. I run after him with the cart and he runs off again…..HOLD ON! could this be happening?  WAIT! but he’s too young, is way too early..IS MY SON ENTERING THE TERRIBLE TWO’S ?….. OH MY GOD!!! I continued to chase him and yell out for someone to grab “the kid.” Finally, he ran straight into the toy section and stopped. I caught up to him and held him close. He then started wailing and kicking, throwing himself on the floor. I pick him up and he is thrashing back and forth in my arms. Then it hit me!

I put him in the cart, tightly strapping him in and began thinking back. Franco has been getting into a little more trouble. He now climbs, caught a couple of temper tantrums, throws things at me,  kicks and screams when upset and oh lord!, he even bit me yesterday. Yes,  he’s early but at 19 months, my son is moving toward the  Terrible Two’s.

I have to brace myself, I have to prepare the house! Where will I put all my breakables? I have to find a carpet/ furniture cleaner. Will he feed my electronics? Will he bite other kids? What will I do when a temper tantrums hits in public? Hold on, ok! I decide not to PANIC! I did this before but wait ….that was twenty years ago.

I realize that from this point forward I better grow eyes behind my head, that I better cut up more snacks  to carry so maybe he can cut  me  more slack, I will never bring him shopping with me again, unless Dad is there to run after him,  and I will now begin to invest in mommy time-out and alcohol.

The Terrible Two’s are coming, and straight into my path. Most of us know what that is like, so please, pray for me.

For the last couple of months, our TV’s have overloaded us with news reports of bullying and suicide. Children and teenagers are being bullied due to their sexual orientation, sexuality, their body image and simply because they just don’t fit in or are not accepted by their peers. With today’s technology however, bullying has gone to whole different level and the rate of teen suicide is on it’s ultimate high. I then wondered, what about those kids that are being bullied at home? Working with families of children with learning disabilities and/or mental disorders, I have learned that bullying within blended or extended families tend to occur. Today, we have same-sex parents, blended families, extended families, and so on but what happens when a child/teen is being bullied at home by a family member because they don’t fit in at home  ?

Statistics show that suicide is the 3rd leading cause of death among those 15-25 years of age. Now however, that age group is becoming younger and younger. Suicide in children is now increasing from ages 5-14 and simply because these children do not see a way out. They are unable to talk about what they are feeling  (depression), they have no friends at school (bullied by peers) and cannot confide in their parents (bullied/conflict/problems at home).

There are several types of bullying, abuse but I am going to concentrate on the psychological aspect of verbal abuse. I have  encountered families in where they believe words do not hurt, not realizing the damage being caused to these children as their self-esteem is broken down instead of being built up. This is critical for a child becoming a teenager, as the child is growing up in a home feeling unwanted, not being good enough, and unworthy.

This is a major concern in blended families. I often encountered families in where the child already has a disability and the new parent may not be so understanding, supportive and will often blame the child for exhibiting maladaptive behaviors.  In the case a new marriage has brought in new biological children, the child will then exhibit an increase of  behaviors which will also  impede on that child’s  capability of overcoming challenges due to their disability.  

So, it is not up to just teachers and school administrators to stop bullying. It is up to us, Parents, because is just not happening in schools but in our homes as well.  Children with disabilities or not, cannot help their behavioral problems, thought process, and their basic need of love and acceptance. These children may require more attention, more structure but really what they want is to feel part of the new family.

So, as parents, community advocates and as adults, let’s pay attention on what is happening at home and on our street. We are the ones to advocate for these children because in the future, they are the ones they will become productive members of our society or not. It all depends on how their self-esteem was affected growing up that will make the difference in their future.

Signs to watch out of “your” being bullied at Home  

1. Child is uncomfortable being around a family member or one/both parents. Child will exhibit eye contact and engage in little conversation with that person.
2. Observe families members and/or parents. If a parent constantly teases, criticizes, ignores, tells the child he/she is bad and makes unreasonable demands then, this child is being verbally and psychologically  abused. Their self-esteem is being broken down which will result in feelings of low-worth and depression.
3. The child is exhibiting an increase in  maladaptive behaviors such as increase in aggressive behaviors, attention seeking and as a teenager, this child may become sexually promiscuous as craving attention, or simply of feeling loved or wanted.
4. The child may also exhibit behaviors as “eager to please”, hoping to get acceptance, these children will go to the extreme to please the person bullying, abusing them.  

As parents, we have to remember that our first responsibility is to protect our children, this includes situations in where feelings are being hurt and ignored. So, if a family member is being harsh or cruel to your child, or any other child in the family, put a stop to it now.   You never know the impact words could  have on someone.

Last night was one of those nights. You know the ones I’m talking about. When the baby gets up crying and you don’t know why. The nights when you can’t let go of the thermometer as you check every 10 minutes to see if the fever went up or down. The nights, in where your baby latches on to you like a monkey wrapped around a tree. Then it hits you, “oh, he must be teething”.

He takes up all the space in our bed

Franco is growing in his molars, and he is simply miserable. Lou and I never saw him that way and of course, we were a wreck.  As parents, when our baby hurts, you know, we do too. So, we tried everything. We froze his pacifiers, that didn’t work. He flung it in his mouth, then yelled and through it at Lou’s eye. (yes, his eye is fine). We then gave him some ice-cold juice, he through it on the floor. Then, his fever spiked to 103.7, totally freaking out at this point, we then placed him in a luke-warm bath. Franco shook, yelled and babble cursed us. Later, at 12:45am, he finally fell asleep.

1:30am, Lou is rocking him back and forth, they are looking out through the window, more Tylenol was adminstered. Finally, we are all back asleep, but not for long. Franco was up again an hour later crying.

So, for the rest of night, we rocked, we walked, we sang, we snuggled, watched TV, cleaned up puke, cleaned up drool, changed bed sheets, changed clothes, wet head towels, took temperatures, and everything else he needed us to do. In the morning, Franco was still teary-eyed and cranky but calmer.  Lou and I on the other hand, woke up feeling achy, light-headed and also cranky.

Can't sleep

Feeling miserable

 Two hours later, I then saw it. Franco looked up at me and for the first time since yesterday, he smiled that amazing smile.  My baby was finally feeling better, and that was all we needed, to feel better.

Finally, feeling better

  Alright ladies, today I have Wendy Rose speaking her mind. She is a not only a wonderful mom of three but also, an advocate of childhood Diabetes 1 and Celiac Disease.   Her beautiful daughter is diagnosed with both Celiac Diseas and Diabetes, and I cannot emphasize enough on how brave this little girl is.  Celiac disease is a digestive disease that damages the small intestine and interferes with absorption of nutrients from food. People who have Celiac Disease cannot tolerate gluten, a protein in wheat, rye, and barley.  In a person with Type 1 Diabetes, their bodies do not produce the insulin necessary to convert that glucose into energy.  Glucose is the primary fuel for the body, but it cannot be converted into energy (i.e. fuel) without insulin.  Wendy’s daughter, Sugar currently wears an insulin pump 24/7/365.  Insulin is literally her lifeline.  So, check out her story and make sure to visit her blog www.CandyHeartsBlog.com for more amazing stories. Wendy, thank you, girl! and.. Keep Speaking your Mind!! 

    Wendy’s Bio

 Wendy Rose has been a Registered Nurse for 16 years. After spending most of her career at the bedside in the Emergency Room, the Post Anesthesia Care Unit, and Labor & Delivery, she currently works from home as a Pediatric Telephone Triage Nurse.Wendy’s oldest daughter was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes in 2005, at the age of 24 months and Celiac Disease in 2008, at the age of 5 years. Wendy herself was diagnosed with Celiac Disease in 2009. Balancing the demands of her daughter’s blood sugar management while maintaining a gluten free lifestyle; on top of her role as wife and mother; in addition to maintaining her nursing career can be a challenge at times. She documents her family’s journey at www.CandyHeartsBlog.com. 

Sugar had one of those moments the other day. This is the lovely word she chose to describe her moment…and she actually asked permission before proceeding!

We had a fantastic day at the capitol doing some diabetes advocacy work earlier this week. The next day, however, I was reminded of why Sugar needs a cure — and a school nurse in the meantime.

Her numbers were horrible on Wednesday. At her 1:30 check, she was 444. The nurse corrected her (for the SECOND time that day) and she rode the bus home 30 minutes later. She had some homework to do so I told her that we needed to change her site and she L-O-S-T it.

For nearly an hour, I held back my own tears while she was royally TICKED OFF at diabetes and celiac. Mind you, this doesn’t happen very often. She’s entitled to it…so I listened, and held her, and told her how amazing she is. But, the fact remained, that we still needed to get her a new site. Between a bad site and a bad rant for an hour, I had no desire to know what her blood sugar was. I just knew we needed to get on the road to a better number – stat.

She didn’t want it in her tummy. She didn’t want it in her bum. She didn’t want it in her leg. And she didn’t want a shot. How about the arm? We’ve never used her arm before, but lots of her diabetes friends have!!

At first she was agreeable. Then nervous. Then ticked off again. I made a deal with her that she could put one in my arm if she let me put one in hers. I even told her that I’d wear it for the full 3 days with her. So, she put one in my arm…then backed out and told me to use her bum instead. Fine…whatever…let’s just get some insulin going NOW!!!

Her numbers came down nicely and, as promised, I wore that site for 3 days. Every now and then she’d pull up my sleeve to see if it was still there. Yesterday was site change day again. Her pumped beeped to remind us while we were driving home from church. Just to see what would happen, I asked her if she would use her arm…

AND SHE SAID YES! We offered to put on the magic numbing cream (EMLA) first, but she said she didn’t need it. (Man that kid of ours is brave!)

So….we all got into our jammies. Then we all gathered around her on the living room floor.

I held her hand, her head was in Tink’s lap, Tiara stood by cheering, and Daddy did the deed.

She looked right into my eyes while he counted to 3…I held my breath…”CLICK!”…

Then she smiled!!!

. 

Next week, all the kids in New York will be going back to school.  As parents, we prepare our children get ready for school by buying new clothes, school bags, books, and supplies. We lecture our kids on how to behave, on what type of crowds to hang out with, but what about teaching our kids to be cautious of their teachers.

Please know, I’m not  anti-teacher. There are a lot of great teachers in our school systems but, I cannot ignore the high rate of sexual abuse and molestation incidents in our schools either. Just this Friday, a special education teacher, Randall Pilon at Salem Middle School in Virgina Beach was arrested for sending pornographic material through the Internet to one of his 14-year old students. Incidents like these are are in high numbers, so when my 6-year old niece called me to tell me she would be starting school next week, I automatically reminded my sister to give her the “Speech”.

This “Speech” entails telling your child that their body is “THEIR BODY” and no one, (female/male) is to touch them. For a young child, the message is to tell Mommy or Daddy if at any time a teacher or someone at school did something to make them feel uncomfortable. Teaching the child, that no one is to touch them in their private areas.  This will teach the child that their body is off limits to someone else.  By telling our young children from an early age that teachers or anyone else, is not to touch them will also influence the way they consider teacher-student relationships when they reach their teenage years.

As teenagers, teacher predators  will enage in inappropriate behaviors with their teenage students, more often which started as simple flirtations. If the teacher is an attractive  female, chances are the male student will more likely to think the relationship is okay, since  he is the one getting an ego boost due to the “Macho” stereotype that may be imposed from  his peers. Teenagers should be taught that flirtations between a student and a teacher is unacceptable. 

According to a  2004 study by the Child Molestation and Research Prevention Institute, it was concluded that teachers often targeted students whom they felt were vulnerable, were not popular and were seeking attention. Thus, these teachers handed out gifts to their targeted students, would often act like peers instead of teachers and looked for excuses to spend time with them. Once these teachers gained the student trust, the relationship would transform from frienship, to touching and later moving into a sexual relationship. The students would often become confused as they no longer looked at their teacher  as a teacher but rather a confidant, mentor and their boyfriend/girlfriend.

The Child Molestation and Research Prevention Institute also conclude that students of sexual abuse, no matter the child’s gender, will endure psychological, long term effects.  These studies showed that these students had difficulty forming relationships, engaged in risky sexual behaviors and suffered from depression.

So, as parents, we have to be aware that there is a problem in our school systems in where moral and ethical lines are being crossed. We have to teach our children that their schools is place of learning, fun and of  great teachers  who will go to the ultimate in educating them but, we also have to teach about those teachers who may cause them harm. Bottom line- we can’t sugar coat what is going on in our schools, we simply have to teach our kids to recognize it and hopefully defend themselves  against it.

(For more information please refer to The Child Molestation and Research Prevention Institute. For a  listing of current teacher sex offenders you may visit Teachercrime.com and Jailbeta.com)

At 7am, this morning my baby said “mama’ for the very first time. I was elated and excited. My son will soon transform his baby language of “babble” into coherent, adult-like speech. Yet, I can’t help wonder if he will really know and understand who he is. Franco, is my litle ”Bi-Cultural” baby, with his father being Italian and I being  Puerto Rican. My family, no longer lives near by, which I always felt was the tie between an island I never knew personally and my roots here in New York.  I was raised to love my heritage, my roots and my customs. My other two children were taught to love their Latin roots as well. Although now they speak Spanish much like the gringos, they grew up learning and loving the stories my mother told.  I however, speak with a  “Spanglish” accent and wonder if Franco will learn and understand where is from. I see that is going to be a conscious effort to teach Franco his Latin roots, as the only family he has near by is that of his dad’s.  

Lou and I always talked about raising the baby “Bi-Cultural” but never discussed how. Now living in Ronkonkoma, NY, a  city where 92.26% of the population is white and  8.26% is Hispanic, we’ve come to the conclusion that Franco has to learn his cultures not just through speech, but through a massive “Bi-Cultural Exposure”. 

Our Plan 

1. Talking both languages- Babies first begin to identify sounds with items, pictures, gestures and so on. As they get older, they develop these sounds into words. I speak both English and Spanish to Franco, and he appears to understand, making  some of the connections. For example, when I tell him “beso” he puckers up and plants me a kiss. His dad tells him, “kiss, kiss’” and Franco also plants him a wet one.  This clearly tells me that he can learn and adapt to both languages.
2. Exposing both cultures- Lou and I make sure we expose Franco to both cultural defined foods and music. Franco loves his pasta and sauce, but he also loves his “arroz con pollo”. We also expose him to old traditional Italian music as well as to “Salsa” and “Reggeaton”. Lou’s family is also very supportive in exposing Franco to both cultures. So, during family events, his family will have a wide variety of ethnic dishes and have different types of music.  We also make sure to celebrate all cultual defined special events, like the “Puerto Rican Day Parade”, as well as the Italian Feast Festival every August.   
3. Prejudice- Society may fool themselves to think that people are no longer prejudice against one another, that  is something  from the past. I mean, we now have a black president, right? Nope, wrong! People continue to be prejudice based on cultural characteristics and beliefs.  It happens everyday,  in our schools , in our playgrounds and in everyday life. Although, Franco may not face these experiences due to his own appearance , we still want to teach him that it still occurs. We want and will teach him that is wrong to discriminate against anyone because they look different, may not be popular or simply because they come from another part of the world.
4. Support Franco with whatever culture he chooses to identify with- Lou and I talk about this all the time, the reality is that even though we expose Franco to both cultures, ultimately he might identify with one. I was born to ‘Spanish” speaking parents, is how I learn to speak “Spanglish”. Franco, may never learn this langauage, as he is born to two ‘English” speaking parents, (okay, I have the accent) but, chances are, living in a predominately white neighborhood, with the majority of  family memebrs  close to him being “Italian”, the possibility is high that he will identify with  his “Italian” side more and I’m okay with that.

Franco will learn both cultures, and he may adapt to one but, as a he gets older, Lou and I will have to accept and respect his decision on his cultural identification.   Our acceptance along with our love,  Franco will make a confident, happy, self-identified transition to adulthood. What esle could we (as parents) ask for?

So, today is one of those days in where I feel I am a terrible mother. First, I step on Franco while walking in the kitchen forgetting he was crawling right next to me. Then, while placing Franco in the crib to play, I threw a toy in the crib  clunking  him in the head with it. Then in the evening, I am taking pictures of him while playing, when all of sudden he falls off the bed. WTH!  Should I even be alone with this kid?

A bump in the head

So, after my little man calmed down and after I finish applying ice to his forehead, I decided to make everything around him safe, that included  baby proofing Lou and me as well.

Franco is in the stage in where he is touching everything around him. I could only imagine the horror when he begins to walk. So, as my poor baby is experiencing his new world, I have compiled a safety list  in trying to keep us all safe and accident free.

1. Keeping the House on Lock Down- Lou and I have locked all cabinets doors, room doors, covered outlets,  pantries, etc. Franco right now is crawling everywhere and getting into any small space he could get in to.  So now, we leave all the doors closed and  let him crawl within a small, confined area.
2. Keep curtains/table covering out of reach-Franco has a tendency of grabbing the table cloth and pulling everything toward him. I removed the table cloth and pulled the curtains up as so he could no longer reach them.
3. Get edge covers/bumpers- Franco little by little is learning how to stand up against furniture in learning how to walk. So, we picked up these furniture edge cover bumpers and placed them on the tables.  
4. Baby Door Gates- Simply, so we can keep him on lock down. This will allow Franco to roam around in one confined area.
5. Keep blind tassles tied-Lately, Franco has this obsession with anything that hangs. he now goes after the window blinds. Lou now has tied the tassles high up, so he cannot reach them. This will prevent any accidental strangulation or having the blinds fall on him.
6. Cushion Faucet Cover- I can’t even mention how many times, I am bathing Franco in the bathtub and has hit his head on the faucet. He also learned how to turn the knobs. We now purchased an “Elmo” cushion faucet cover just in case he hits his head again. You have a couple to choose from and you can pick them up in “Babies-R-Us”. I also have to mention, never to leave your baby in the bathtub unattended. Not in just preventing accidental drowning but also to prevent scalding.

Now, I know this list going to grow the older he gets. For now, I am just hoping he gets through the remainder of the day without another fall, or me dropping him.

My Dear Precious Baby,

You have made it through your first year and look how far you have come. You are smiling, giggling and playing all the time. Your eyes become so wide with the excitement of a new toy, a new snack or when Mommy and Daddy enter your room. You pick up your arms now, letting us know when you want to be held. You jump up and down when you want to get out of your crib. You crawl under the kitchen table and hide, as we pretend not to see you. Yet, you don’t realize how special you really are and how much you mean to us.

You see baby, all those little things you do are small miracles. Miracles that happen every single day as you grow older. You entered this world too early, way too early. You were small and delicate. We saw tiny veins under your skin that pumped your will and determination unto your heart. Your hand went right through your daddy’s wedding ring like a silver bracelet. Your doctors told us to pray, and we did. Your doctors told us hope but not to expect too much, we hoped but expected everything from you. Your doctors also told us to be realistic, but you were finally a reality, and no longer a dream.

You see baby, we prayed for you before you came. We hoped for you before we knew we were expecting you, and the reality of you was far away in our dreams, until the day your were born. So, daddy and I stood with you everyday, we touched your fragile skin and held your tiny hands. We anticipated your first breath or to hear your first cry. Everyday, you fought to live, everyday we hoped you did.

Days turned to weeks, weeks turned into months…and then we knew you were not giving up without a fight. We knew then, that you were going to make your mark in this world. One day, we were finally able to hold you, and once in our arms you cried, then we cried. Another day, you pooped all over the incubator, and the nurse told us you were going to be trouble. A couple days later, you were breathing on your own. You then learned how to eat as you took the bottle for the first time. You made a mess, and well, you still have not grown out of that yet. Three months later, you came home. You then metamorphosed into an ear- piercing screaming, poopy dropping, hunger-frenzied baby. You came home and took over.

So, you see baby, you are a fighter, you have heart, and you made a mark in this world and in our lives. You have surpassed our hopes and our dreams. You have given us the opportunity to love you and love you even more with each passing day. You make us laugh; you make us act silly. You make us see the world new again and experience it for the first time, and for that we thank you.

You are our miracle baby, and we love you.

Love Mommy and Daddy